High Speed!: Chapter 6 – Team

Some kind of sprouts slowly started to grow in the graduation project’s flower bed. The girls had sown the seeds, but it seems like it was a secret from the boys as to what kind of seeds they were. Like Makoto said, perhaps they’re flowers that’ll bloom by the time of the graduation ceremony. It can’t possibly be in time for it, though.

He looks up at the cherry blossom tree. There aren’t any flower buds on it yet. It didn’t seem like Rin’s wish of wanting to swim in the pool with cherry blossom petals dancing in it would come true, either.

When he looks down at his feet, the light brown ground stretched out. He wonders if the cherry blossom’s roots spread deep down underneath the ground. How does it feel to have something like a flower bed planted over its roots that took many years to spread? If he was the cherry blossom, how would he feel?

After considering that, a bitter smile surfaced. If he were the cherry blossom, he surely wouldn’t feel anything. Something like a flower bed wouldn’t catch his attention. He wouldn’t be bewildered by or shunning it. As long as he could spread his large branches towards the sky, he wouldn’t wish for anything else.

When he thinks about how he was the only one fussing over it, if the cherry blossom in question didn’t even worry about it, he ended up smiling a little.

“Are you so happy that the buds came out? Haru.”

Before he knew it, Rin and Makoto were standing right beside him.

“Not really.”

He didn’t intend to explain to Rin what he was thinking about. Nevertheless, denying it is bothersome, too. So, he replied like that.

“The graduation is soon, huh.”

Makoto says it like he’s deeply moved, while looking up at the cherry blossom.

“It really is. A farewell to the school filled with memories, too.”

Like a terrible actor, Rin spoke out at random. He won’t be nice enough to reply to every little thing. Like Makoto would.

“Still, it’s only been two months. Shouldn’t you go to the graduation ceremony at your old school?”

Rin’s smile suddenly turns cold. Dropping his gaze on the flower bed, he stares at the little sprouts.

“I’ve properly bid farewell to Sano Elementary.”

With a performance that was a little bit better for a terrible actor, he creates an expression that holds grief in it.

“Sorry. I said something unnecessary.”

Makoto reacts again. Even if it wasn’t acting, though it wasn’t something to worry so much about, either.

“Don’t worry about it. It’s in the past now. I’m a part of Iwatobi Elementary now, too.”

“That’s right. We’ll graduate together, right?”

After going as far as saying that, Makoto’s smile clouded over a little. His glance facing Rin, looking like he’s trying to say something, he hesitates.

“What?”

To Makoto’s glance, Rin asks back.

“Yeah, I was concerned a little. You didn’t come to yesterday’s orientation, did you?’

It’s about the middle school orientation. There were explanations about the uniform, textbooks, club activities and so on. However, Rin wasn’t there.

Rin looks up at the cherry blossom that doesn’t have its flower buds yet. The sunlight piercing through between the branches made him narrow his eyes.

“It’s because, I’m not going to middle school here.”

Haruka turns his gaze towards Rin. Unable to judge whether it’s a joke or he’s being serious, he attempted to read the true meaning from Rin’s expression. However, just by the sunlight filtering through the trees creating patterns on Rin’s face as he’s looking up at the cherry blossom’s branches or the sky, he couldn’t read out anything. Facing the cherry blossom, Haruka decided to wait for Makoto’s words. In such cases, what Haruka wants to ask, Makoto asks for him instead.

“What do you mean by that? Why didn’t you say anything? We’re on the same team. Aren’t we friends?”

He didn’t ask where he’s going and what he’s intending to do. Perhaps being on the same team is more important than anything else to Makoto. So, he only reproached him in the question of feelings, namely why he didn’t say anything.

It’s something Haruka can’t say at all. Things like ‘team’ or ‘friends’. Accepting those very easily, Makoto ends up putting it into words. To the point that Haruka becomes embarrassed over what Makoto asks.

“I wasn’t keeping it a secret. The destination was decided yesterday.”

“Yesterday?”

He can’t fathom the conversation at all. Things like ‘yesterday’ and ‘destination’. To begin with, they don’t discuss any of the crucial things, like why is he changing schools, why is he attempting to involve Haruka and Makoto, why is he so obsessed with the relay.

Hiding his face slightly that seemed to be made radiant, Rin spoke in a mutter.

“I’m going to Australia.”

“By Australia, you mean overseas?”

Makoto asks something stupid. Of course it’s overseas. There’s no such place in Japan. And then, from the flow of the conversation, it doesn’t seem like he’s going on a trip.

“I handed in the application for studying abroad to several schools, but yesterday, the receiving side was finally settled.”

Makoto was bewildered. With his mouth opened a little like he was attempting to say something, he tenses. Surely, countless words are going back and forth in his head.

“I transferred here after it was decided that I’m going to Australia. I thought I’d tell everyone where I’m going once it had been properly settled. I didn’t want to cause trouble for everyone, upsetting them halfway through.”

—— What a selfish guy.

Haruka grinded his molars, feeling such an anger that he couldn’t hold back. He already upset them enough and he keeps causing trouble.

“……Sorry.”

Rin muttered in a small voice, perhaps he had guessed Haruka’s feelings.

The wind that clearly had the scent of spring in it coils around Haruka. He thought that he wanted to hurry up and swim. He thought that he wanted to hurry up and shake off this sickly sweet wind. Then, he thought that he wanted to hurry up and be released from the ties of this incomprehensible guy.

From the countless words going back and forth in his head, Makoto finally found a short question.

“Why are you going to Australia?”

“To study swimming.”

He returned a minimum necessary response to the short question.

As he stood face to face with the cherry blossom, Haruka asked Rin.

“What do you want to do?”

It was a voice that seemed to lose, even to the wind that was and wasn’t there.

“I want to become….. an Olympic swimmer.”

He can’t smile. He can become whatever he wants. But that’s not what Haruka wanted to hear. It’s always like that. Hiding things about himself, he always says selfish things. And now, too, while saying very self-centered things in front of Haruka——, he stood under the cherry blossom.

Raising his eight-shaped eyebrows, with his eyes widened, Makoto blinked once, like he remembered something.

“When are you going?”

“The day…. after the tournament.”

“Then, we don’t have any days left of swimming together.”

Makoto looks at Haruka. Even while he realizes that he’s being watched, he stayed silent, facing the cherry blossom.

—— How does Haru feel? What are his true feelings?

Getting a feeling that that’s what Makoto’s look is asking, he couldn’t directly look at him. Feeling an anger with no outlet, trapping it inside his chest, at last he could suppress the impulse to run away from here. He wants to hurry up and slip his body into the water. The water will release Haruka from the unnecessary ties.

——I want to hurry up and escape into the water.

Haruka’s pulse jumped higher. The blood throughout his body flows rapidly. The area around his temples heating up, his palms start to sweat.

——Was I……. running away?

Perhaps he wanted to escape into the water. Seeking to feel at ease, averting his eyes from the real world, perhaps he wanted to escape into the water for the sake of hiding his true feelings.

Without becoming one body or repressing it with force, they were supposed to mutually recognize each other’s existence. Feeling sufficiency from that recognition, perhaps he was only depending on it. Perhaps he was swimming for the sake of that.

He wanted to deny it. He strongly wanted to deny it. However, the more he thought about it, the more it heavily weighed down on Haruka as the undeniable truth.

He doesn’t know what he should do anymore. The moment he realized that he was depending on the water, his self that should have been standing tall, it seemed like it was about to crumble down. While his two feet become thinner and more brittle, seeming like they’ll break, they finally supported Haruka.

—— That can’t be!

They’re the feet that ran, dove and swam until now. They couldn’t be that weak. While thinking that, he couldn’t hold back the faint trembling of his feet.

He looks at Makoto. He was still asking Haruka a question.

——What are your true feelings?

Before, Makoto had told Haruka that he’s running away from the water. Exposing himself like that, if he were to honestly admit it, perhaps he could feel at ease a little.

The lukewarm spring breeze wraps up Haruka. It didn’t have the harshness of winter anymore. Neither blowing through strongly, nor being freezing. There’s no need to endure it. He should be honest. That’s what it whispered to Haruka.

He won’t be tempted by something like that. No matter when and where, he always wants to be himself. He wants to keep being his strong self. Clenching his teeth, he’ll stand by himself. He mustn’t run away from here. There’s no way he could approve of his weak self. He has to keep being strong. To the end, he has to be himself.

Makoto’s eyes ask him again.

—— How does Haru feel?

He doesn’t answer. He can’t answer. Where Rin is going, what he’s becoming, is an unrelated matter to him. It can’t change the fact that he’s standing in front him, on the same team. And, he didn’t intend to change his feelings that had decided to swim in the relay, either. So he’ll swim. He’ll swim it. Under no circumstances will he run away. For the sake of continuing to be his strong self.

“……Fine.”

Haruka’s voice drifts about, riding the spring-like wind.

“Haru?”

Furrowing his eight-shaped eyebrows, Makoto anxiously looked at Haruka.

“In the next tournament.”

That’s all Haruka said, turning his gaze towards Rin. His eyes widening, Rin turns to face Haruka from the front.

“Are you sure? You’ll narrow it down to just the relay?”

His voice quickly leaks out from the tip of his mouth. What an endlessly cunning guy. Words that must still compensate should’ve been necessary. That ending up decoding his heart like it saw through it, Haruka lost the following words. Feeling irritated from Rin making an expression like he knows everything, he tightly grinds his molars once.

However, he won’t run away anymore. That’s what he decided. Not from the relay, not from Rin, and not from himself, either——. Therefore, he didn’t intend to back out of it now.

“Will you really swim in the relay only?”

Rin pressures the boring idea.

“That’s what I intended to say.”

While turning back to the cherry blossom, he said so spluttering it out.

Rin’s happy expression stopping at the edge of his vision, it irritates Haruka again.

“Alright! Well then, I’ll show Haru a sight he’s never seen before?”

“A sight he’s never seen before……?”

“Yeah, an extraordinary sight that can’t be seen unless it’s the four of us!”

Before they knew it, the sun had changed its angle a little. Piercing through the complicatedly twisting branches, a strong light shines on Haruka’s face. He doesn’t look up the way Rin does, he just narrows his eyes a little.

Makoto stared at Haruka like a child who had gotten lost. He believes to have answered Makoto’s question. All he has to do now is think about it on his own. He didn’t want to force him or have expectations for him like Rin. Makoto should think about it for himself, find an answer and act according to it. Not because he’s thrusting him away or to make him coldhearted. He just thinks that as long as it’s what Makoto has decided, it will be the most correct choice.

“……Haru.”

Like the dead leaves fluttering about in the wind, Makoto speaks in a helpless voice.

“Could I see it, too? That sight.”

It’s something he should ask from Rin. What he wants to show, or what he himself wants to see, Haruka himself doesn’t know.

“I want to see it, too, Rin. I want to swim with everyone.”

While a smile shows on his face, Rin bumps his fist on Makoto’s shoulder.

“You called me Rin for the first time. It’s all right, if it’s us, surely.”

Makoto nods, raising his eight-shaped eyebrows.

They heard a small bird’s chirping voice coming from somewhere. Perhaps it’s that bird, soaring while drawing a trail on the clear sky. As if it’s aiming for the goal that’s in the endless distance.

 

“Well then.”

While snapping his goggles into place, Rin stood onto the starting block with light steps.

Haruka, Makoto and Nagisa haven’t arrived yet. The last class ending in the morning, splitting into two groups to prepare the graduation ceremony and to do the big cleaning from the afternoon, they could go home depending on when they finished the work. Haruka and Makoto were in the graduation ceremony preparation group, it seemed like it’s still taking them some time. As for Nagisa, he probably has afternoon classes as usual.

So, this means that he finally got time to swim alone.

While looking at the clock’s hand to match his timing, Rin kicked off from the starting block. Dolphin kick from landing on the water. Then, stroke. It’s not butterfly. It’s forward crawl.

There’s something that has always been bothering him. At the tournaments where he was matched against Haruka, he never once won on 100m. Since Haruka only entered free on the long lane, there were times when he didn’t swim with Rin, they generally competed in the two events of 50m and 100m. Sometimes he won on 50m, but no matter what, he couldn’t win at 100m.

It was exactly a year ago when he first swam with Haruka. Since he didn’t think that he would lose in the city tournament, when he was overtaken, to be honest, he got hasty. From that point on, he was far from catching up no matter how much he swam, he just kept on being separated.

Thanks to the pressure of Haruka’s energy gaining on him and the restlessness after being overtaken, when he reached the goal, he had completely exhausted his physical strength. In any case, climbing out of the pool at last, afterwards, he ended up lying down without taking off his goggles.

He lost to Makoto in breaststroke, too, but it wasn’t like this. This is a first. That pressure and restlessness. His swimming was flawless. In fact, he even produced a good time. But even so, he lost. Simultaneously as the question of ‘why’ ran around in his head, the irritation he felt towards something he couldn’t understand swirled in his chest.

—— Damn it. Haa. He’s fast. Haa. Who is it?

While stretching out his arms and legs, among his interrupted breathing, that’s what he muttered.

Rin’s time goes up with each tournament. However, Haruka’s went even higher. By the time Rin catches up to the previous time, Haruka advances even more ahead. He always harbored in his chest the feeling that’s more than anxiety and restlessness, that he won’t be able to catch up for all eternity at this rate. For the sake of freely concentrating on the relay as well, he at least wanted to catch up to Haruka’s previous time.

His turn is sharp, small and powerful.

He diligently checks the form and timing. The point that becomes a problem is nowhere to be found. Even so, when he looks at the clock after reaching the goal, of course he was late. He knows that it’s not in the difference of physique and muscle strength. Rather, Rin’s faster at the start and turn. Given that, all that’s left is the rolling or the ‘feet flexibility’.

This was the most troublesome. The ideal ‘feet flexibility’ can’t be defined. A full length rolling from the arm’s stroke and to the handling of the back, all of it operating well together is connected to the first ideal ‘feet flexibility’. Therefore, no matter how much you think about just your feet, you’ll never be able to swim faster, and a precise answer can’t possibly exist, either. Trying it out, finding it, getting used to it, making it your thing is the only way. Supposing that Haruka has obtained that ideal ‘feet flexibility’, if that’s the case——, the restlessness wells up again as he thinks about that. Or could Haruka’s swimming be the ideal form that Rin is seeking? It’s not the current Haruka. It’s the Haruka from before.

While thinking about this and that, Rin climbed onto the poolside.

“Well then.”

Getting up on the starting block again while snapping his goggles into place, he looked at the clock. Matching the timing, he dives in. It seemed like he could do about thirty more. If his physical strength can hold out, that is.

 

After practice ended, Gou stood at Iwatobi SC’s exit, holding a large paper bag. She’s Rin’s little sister.

“Gou……!”

“Ah, Onii-chan.”

She turns towards him with a carefree smile. She’s a fifth grader, one year below. Turning around to the sound of the automatic door, Haruka and the others were just coming out, too. Noticing Kou, to show his curiosity in his usual fashion, Nagisa goes over to her.

“Hey, who are you? Rin-chan’s friend?”

Before Rin answers, Kou gushes out.

“Onii-chan, you’re ‘Rin-chan’ here, too.”

“Wh-what are you saying? Actually, why are you here!?”

Without replying to Rin’s question, Gou quickly bowed her head towards Haruka and the others.

“I’m Matsuoka Gou. My older brother is always taking care of me.”

Haruka turns his eyes towards Makoto. Meaning ‘I’ll leave the rest to you’.

“Hello. I’m Tachibana Makoto. This is Hazuki Nagisa, this is Nanase Haruka.”

Nagisa smiles at her with a ‘nice to meet you’, Haruka awkwardly nods his head in greeting.

“Ah, I heard. You’re swimming in the relay the day after tomorrow, right? I heard about it. He always said ‘Nanase’s fast, Nanase’s fast’ after a tournament.”

“O-oi, Gou! Mind your own business!”

Embarrassed, he couldn’t show his face to Haruka.

“But, I’m glad. That you’re swimming together. It was worth it to change his resident’s card to Grandma’s house and come here. Mom was worried. He suggested changing schools on his own all of a sudden.”

“That’s enough out of you, shut up!”

Before she could tell any more unnecessary things, when he attempted to quickly drive her away, the meddlesome Makoto asked Gou.

“Did you come here for something?”

“Yeah. I brought this.”

He saw a fleeting glimpse of the paper bag’s contents that Gou holds out. Realizing that it’s a tin of cookies, Rin frets.

“Idiot, you shouldn’t have brought that here!”

Rin hid it with his body so that the others wouldn’t see.

“But, you’re using it here, right?”

“That’s true, I asked Mom to take it Grandma’s house. I didn’t hear about you coming.”

“But, Mom told me to bring it since you’re using it here anyways——“

“There’s no point in bringing it here now, is there? I’ll bring it on Sunday.”

“But it’ll be more baggage——“

“It’s fine. More baggage or whatever. In any case, take it back to Grandma’s house!”

“Hey, what’s that?”

When he turns around, Nagisa was attempting to peek into it, making his big round eyes sparkle.

“It’s nothing. It has nothing to do with you!”

He pushes Nagisa back.

“Sunday’s the day of the tournament, right? Are you using it for the match?”

Surprisingly, he’s sharp when it comes to something like this.

“I’m not using it, it’s not related.”

“Then, after the match? For the commemoration photographing?”

“Wrong, I said it’s not related.”

“After the photographing? Ah, I got it!”

“Got wh-what?”

“Is it something to eat? After the tournament, you’re holding a ‘tried-our-best party’. What could it be? If it’s three days before it, rice cookies or cookies maybe?”

He was shocked. He didn’t guess right, but he’s close.

“Onii-chan, are you holding a ‘tried-our-best party’? Can I come, too?”

“I’m not! I mean, either way, you have to go home today.”

“I’m with Mom at Grandma’s place until Sunday.”

“What about school?”

“The graduation ceremony is tomorrow at Sano Elementary, too. Since the fifth graders are only in half of it, I’m taking a break. So Mom and I are going to see the graduation ceremony. The tournament after it, too.”

“It’s fine. You don’t have to come and see.”

“There’s school on Monday, seeing you off——“

“I’m going home.”

Haruka starts running after saying it. After lightly waving his hand to Gou, Makoto started running too.

“Bye.”

After waving his hand at Gou, Nagisa runs after them, too.

“See you later.”

Turning has back to Gou while feeling relieved, Rin ran after them, too. Joining up with the three of them, when they were about to pass through the fishing harbor, Gou shouted after them in a large voice.

“Onii-chaan, there’s ‘su-ki-ya-ki’ tonight.”

Makoto letting out a puff, Nagisa saying ‘how nice’, they’re envious. Casting his eyes down, Rin dropped his speed and took just three steps back.

He didn’t want to talk to anyone anymore. Rin was keenly taught the lesson that one’s family is so embarrassing.

———

Haruka was perplexed. He thought that a graduation ceremony was something that would end more quickly. That as they had practiced countless times, they’d advance indifferently, receive their certificates and just digest the ceremony. And yet, he surely didn’t expect that the dozens of people crying before his eyes would make him perplexed. Furthermore, the first one to break the dam was Rin. Haruka couldn’t understand at all why a guy who’s been there for merely two months is crying, what shook his emotions so much. To sympathize with Rin, who’s crying with his voice raised, when everyone started crying one by one, Haruka could only look on silently, ending up completely left behind.

It was also surprising that Makoto didn’t show any tears among them. Not because he’s particularly easily moved to tears, he wasn’t the type who couldn’t control his feelings either, but despite most of the class crying, he couldn’t help feeling that it was unnatural for Makoto to be composed.

The graduation ceremony of tears didn’t end even when they returned to the classroom, it went on and on until they bid farewell to the cherry blossom and the flower bed.

 

Is the wind blowing on Mutsukibashi again today? But it probably doesn’t blow with intense coldness anymore. Is Kotsuzumiyama growing taller again? Glowing in the blue sky, while making the lines of the mountain ridge vividly rise to the surface.

While running lined up to Makoto, before he could think about those things, he started sweating before he knew it. Today’s temperature was high enough to be remindful of early summer.

In the vicinity of the bridge, he saw Nagisa stepping in place. And then the sound of footsteps getting closer from behind. He knows it’s Rin without having to turn around.

Rin never calls out from behind. He always stays silent until he lines up beside them. It seems that he’s under the arbitrary impression that Haruka hates being suddenly prodded and treated over-familiarly.

“Hey.”

Pausing his breathing, Rin shows a smile. Sending him a fleeting look, Haruka let Rin know just that he hears him.

“Yahhoo.”

Nagisa rushed over while waving his hand.

“Hey Haru-chan. Did you cry today?”

The graduation ceremony ended in the morning. That’s why they decided to practice at the club in the afternoon. Makoto notified Nagisa.

“I don’t cry.”

“Really? Even though it’s the graduation ceremony?”

Finding Nagisa’s way of think that you have to cry just because it’s the graduation ceremony to be amusing, his lips come close to relaxing.

“Rin-chan’s the one who cried.”

“Hold on a sec, it wasn’t just me. Most of the class was crying. There’s something wrong with Makoto and Haruka for not crying. Also, I told you to stop with ‘Rin-chan”. Call me ‘leader’, Haru.”

He thinks that he’s a bothersome guy. Crying aloud so much, it’s too late for excuses now.

“Sure, leader.”

Rin glares at Haruka.

“….. As I thought, when Haru calls me that, it kinda gets on my nerves. Just call me Rin.”

They approach the bridge while having a trifling conversation. The wind didn’t blow from the mountain, it held the smell of salt water. Riding on that wind, a tern flew in the calm sky.

Nagisa runs getting close to Makoto.

“Hey, Mako-chan didn’t cry either?”

“Yeah. Since Rin was crying in a large voice, I was surprised, it ended up kind of breaking the mood.”

“Eeh, you really didn’t cry? But then, why did Rin-chan cry? He just came here though. Could it possibly be because he’s going to Australia?”

Unlike himself, Rin replies while getting embarrased.

“It’s like, I can’t handle that kind of mood. Though the time we spent together was short, it was a good class. Hey, why do you know that I’m going to Australia?”

“I heard from Mako-chan yesterday. But, Rin-chan, you’re a crybaby, huh?”

When Rin swallowed his breath as he was about to say something, Haruka raised his speed a little.

“I’m gonna leave you behind if you chatter.”

The other three raise their pace to match up with Haruka. Before they became aware of it, Nagisa didn’t fall behind them. While breathing in a well-regulated rhythm, he keeps up in a light gait. It’s not because he suddenly got muscle strength or he grew taller. It’s just that he cleared the conditions for the sake of running faster a little. But he probably hasn’t noticed it himself.

The tern passes by Haruka and the others, it returns to the sea. Without being taught how to fly, as long as it has the requirements for flying from birth, can it fly with just that? Haruka’s thoughts melted into the blue sky, together with the tern.

 

Makoto let go of his grip at the same time as he strongly kicked the wall. Rapidly stretching up in an instant, the scene immediately changes to underwater. So that the flutter kick gains enough buoyancy, he’s aware of the downkick. For the upkick, he lightly kicks upward.

While starting the strokes, he rises to the water’s surface. He didn’t need a breather, but he inhales a breath with the recovery’s timing. If his breathing were to be disordered, it would end up connecting to disturbing his form at once.

He hasn’t swum the backstroke in an actual match before. So, even though it was just before the tournament, he didn’t feel nervous at all. To what extent he should swim for it to be accepted, to what extent it is now, he didn’t know at all. As long as he doesn’t know anything, he’s not anxious, either. As long as he’s not anxious, there’s no point in being nervous. He was only feeling exhilarated.

During the graduation ceremony, even though everyone was crying, he didn’t cry with them because he couldn’t cry. Until the ceremony began, he thought that he would surely end up crying. However, during the ceremony and after it, true feelings didn’t gush forth at all.

―― It’s not over yet.

That feeling restrained the other emotions.

It’s not over yet. The best race still awaits. Swimming it with these members, the best race made the last still awaits. He can’t possibly cry if it’s not even over yet. He can’t possibly cry while he has this exhilarated feeling. There’s no anxiety, expectation or anything at all. There was only the passion that was enough to get him excited now.

Makoto’s hand firmly extending and touching the wall, Nagisa dives in.

 

Thinking that he passed under too deep, Nagisa rushed to correct his trajectory.  One pull and one kick.

His time went up. He feels that it’s real, too. He has become capable of grasping the feeling of kicking the mass of the water on the sole of his feet. The resistance’s heavy impact is transmitted from the sole of his feet.

But if you were to ask him if he could compete against sixth graders, to be honest, he didn’t have the confidence yet. It’s the same with the dive. Although there were times when he thought it went well, there are also times when it doesn’t, like now. On the other hand of being glad that he can swim with everyone, sometimes he worried if he was becoming a hindrance. Anxiety always standing in front of him, he feels a pain in his chest.

――That’s why I want to swim faster.

When those feelings become stronger, his body became lighter without fail. The resistance transmitting through the sole of his feet getting bigger, it rapidly stretches. Simultaneously, the water’s propulsive force getting bigger as well, it forces him back like a wall.

While turning his awareness towards the other side of that wall, Nagisa stretched out both his hands so that he could pierce through it.

 

Rin kicked off from the starting block. He makes the landing on the water at an ideal angle. Spreading his arms wide from the dolphin kick, he starts the butterfly.

In the end, without attaining the ‘ideal feet flexibility’ yesterday, he finished practicing the forward crawl. He couldn’t overtake Haruka’s time. Getting a feeling that he was lacking something fundamental, he ended up giving up on it after swimming twenty laps. He was physically at his limit, too, time wise it was almost time for the other members to arrive, he thought that beyond that, it would be the same no matter how much he swam.

In other words, the fundamental element is the ideal image. It’s impossible to become faster without depicting an image and just recklessly aiming only at the time. And Rin’s depicted ideal image is Haruka. However, the way Haruka was now, he couldn’t possibly become anything like an ideal.

It’s been over two weeks since they narrowed practice down to the medley relay. Despite this, the team’s results are far from improving. Their time isn’t going up at all. No, to say nothing of going up, it dropped. Haruka was the cause. He no longer swam gracefully like before.

If you examine the form in detail, the point that’s becoming a problem is nowhere to be found, but in his stroke and kick, it wasn’t functioning at all as a propulsive force. While carving a clumsy rhythm, he just kept swimming.

Rin didn’t attempt to say anything about it. Rather, there was no point in giving advice. Like a water bird spreading its wings and gliding in the sky, he swims without even feeling water’s resistance.  Such as that way of swimming was largely out of Rin’s area of expertise.

Now, Haruka struggled in the water like a different person. Brushing away the water coiling around him, he attempts to go ahead by force. Differing from Makoto’s powerfulness, he just recklessly aimed at the goal. Rejecting the water, it even seemed like he hates it. Does it have a purpose, or is he injured, or did he really end up forgetting how to swim? In any case, it became a way of swimming that didn’t bear the slightest resemblance to what Haruka’s was until now.

Now that he lost sight of the ideal image, Rin didn’t even know what he should be struggling towards anymore. So long as Haruka is in his current state, he can’t pursue the ideal. While that may be true, he didn’t intend to ask Haruka why that is, either. It wouldn’t change anything even if he asked, even if nothing can be done about it at this rate, he thought that he doesn’t mind. There’s no change in his feelings that decided to swim on the same team.

However, Haruka will one day surely break out of this situation. He doesn’t know when this will happen. Will he make it in time for the tournament, or will it be way ahead…… In any case, he’ll certainly break out, he will become faster without a doubt. Unless he becomes faster, there’s no meaning in having suffered and worried.

But when Rin wonders if Haruka will go ahead of him again like this, he becomes unable to stand it after all. Even when he thinks that he’s gotten closer, he ends up being separated again. No matter how much time passes, he won’t reach him. No matter how much time passes, he’ll keep swimming in front of him.

―― Why is it always him…….

Clenching his teeth, he finished swimming the 100m while strongly striking the water.

 

Haruka leaps in. The moment he leapt, he thought that it’s no good. Landing on the water. Then, he starts doing the strokes, unable to catch the rhythm. Strength fills his body. He becomes stiff. Even though he knows that he can’t swim properly in that case, it was already hopeless. He couldn’t swim any other way anymore.

Telling himself that he can’t do anything about it now, he forcibly convinces himself. Lets himself give up.  Lets himself compromise.

He lies to himself, saying that it’s fine like this now. Deceives himself. Keeps fooling himself.

While tormenting himself with a helpless feeling of restlessness and self-hatred, Haruka still kept swimming.

Until just about two weeks before, he didn’t even care about his time. And then, after he began caring about his time, the water ended up being nothing but water to Haruka. Physically existing, becoming a target of buoyancy to obtain, it turned into nothing more than an obstacle that became a hindrance of propulsion. Then, doing a rolling according to the textbook, he repeats the strokes. It’s a basic swimming against the water as a substance. The connection between Haruka and the water turned into something no more than that.

Touching the goal as the fourth swimmer, Haruka confirms the time as he lifts his face from the water’s surface. The mediocre number that’s no different from usual lined up mechanically. A small sound leaks out from the gap between his molars as he lightly grits his teeth.

Aki extended her hand to Haruka, who had taken off his goggles.

“Good job.”

Wondering if she’s imitating Makoto’s tone of voice, he speaks in a voice like his throat was crushed a little.

“Thanks.”

Holding on to Aki’s hand, he climbed up onto the poolside. The size and pulling strength of the grasping hand was different from Makoto’s. Taking off his cap and shaking his head, he asked while making the water come out of his ears.

“How’s your team doing?”

“Yeah, our time is smoothly going up.”

“I see, you’re trying your best.”

He wasn’t very interested, but it felt awkward to wave her hand away without saying anything. That’s all it is. While that may be true, he doesn’t intend to give a report about themselves, like social rules dictate.

“It feels kind of weird to meet again after graduating, doesn’t it?”

Aki shows a carefree smile.

“Come April, most of us all will be in the same middle school.”

“Yeah, that’s true. But crying so much and saying goodbye, it’s kind of embarrassing a little to meet again so easily.”

He thinks it’s typical of Aki. To Haruka, the graduation ceremony was just a ceremony, it didn’t have any other special meaning. If there’s something that largely differs between Haruka and Aki, it’s probably the way they hold their awareness for their friends. It’s not just Aki. Haruka was different from everyone else. Showing that at the time of the graduation ceremony, to the point of saying that it’s unpleasant, he ended up being perplexed.

“That’s because it was a good class.”

Unable to bring himself to let go of Aki’s hand, he tries imitating Rin’s words.

“Yeah. It really was a good class. We can’t laugh and cry with those members anymore, can we?”

The ‘member’ keyword rolls around in Haruka’s ears. It doesn’t pass through easily like other words.

“That’s right.”

He thought of ending the conversation with those short words. He looks at Rin taking a break on the bench in a fleeting glance. He was talking to Makoto about something. It doesn’t seem like they’re resuming practice yet. As a last resort, Haruka attempted to change the direction his body was facing, intending to say so himself.

“Nanase-kun.”

When he slightly moved the toes of his right foot, Aki called Haruka to halt. When he turned his gaze towards her, Aki looked embarrassed.

“Saying to Nanase-kun that it would be better if he swam in the relay, that is, um, I’m sorry.”

Saying that, she slowly bowed her head. What could she be apologizing for? Though he stared at Aki bowing her head, he couldn’t find the answer.

“Why?”

He had no choice but to ask that. Or, would it have been better if he had pretended to know and said ‘it doesn’t matter’?

Aki raises her head.

“You see, I mistakenly believed without consideration that Nanase-kun needed friends to mutually rely and be relied on, to cry and laugh with. I always thought that friends are that sort of thing. But I realized that it was just my selfish assumption. Nanase-kun has his own feelings, teams and friends come in many shapes, right? Really, it feels like unnecessary meddling.  Nanase-kun and the others, all of you are so serious, all of you looking straight ahead at swimming, seeing Nanase-kun and the others like that, it made me feel a little ashamed….. Aah, why did I say something like that? You didn’t understand any of that, huh…… But you see, I think it’s the same. Our feelings and Nanase-kun and the others’ feelings, I want to think that they’re the same. Along with everyone on the team, there’s difficulty and pain facing the same objective, having to overcome that sort of thing, there’s impatience and something like worry, too….. So you see, when I see Nanase-kun and the others putting in all their effort, I feel the strength welling up that I have to try my best, too. Really, it always encourages me.”

Aki softly drops her gaze on the pool.

Haruka wondered if it would be better if he said something, but without knowing what he should say, he could only fixedly stare at Aki casting her eyes down. Aki’s words fly past each other in his head like fragments. None of them pass easily through his ears. And he couldn’t easily accept any of them.

He doesn’t understand what sort of meaning there is to the relay. He doesn’t know yet what waits ahead of it, either. It’s because he didn’t know that he agreed to become a member. And now, he’s swimming. That’s all it was. It’s not that he’s swimming particularly for the sake of encouraging someone.

How did Aki interpret Haruka’s silence? With her gaze still turned towards the pool, a faint smile rose to the surface. Her mouth opens a little.

“You see, swimming is really fun for me now.”

Raising her gaze, Aki peeks at Haruka’s eyes. Like she’s trying to search for the true Haruka in the depths of his eyes.

――How does Nanase-kun feel?

Aki throws the same thing at him as Makoto asked under the cherry blossom at that time. As he tried replying that he doesn’t really know, the words got stuck inside his throat. And then, meaningless words rush out of his mouth instead.

“I see, let’s both try our best.”

“Yeah.”

Lightly raising his hand, he turned his back towards Aki. Aki’s smile disappearing from his field of vision, only the word ‘fun’ remained in his ear. Swimming and having thought that it’s ‘fun’ ―― it has probably never happened before. Could that be waiting for him beyond the relay?

He walks to the bench where Rin and the others are sitting. He wondered how much they had swam today when he saw Nagisa breathing into his back. How is it for Nagisa? Like Aki, is he having fun swimming? How is it for Rin? For Makoto……?

Because the sun had gone down a little, the light shining in from the skylight windows makes rectangular sunny spots in the pool. While looking at the light diffusedly reflecting on the ripples, Haruka vaguely remembered that tomorrow is the day of the tournament.